“Think back on the beginning of the Lenten season. It was both dark and cold. If the environment was unforgiving, so was the near future. Being an observant catholic, I was to fast, abstain; I was to give things up, some which I was rightly or wrongly attached to . The mood was that of a penitent, full of lamenting, searching and seeking. I was waiting, lost and in need. It was my 40-days in the desert.I started the journey with a little smudge of dirt on my face ; a smudge in the shape of a cross. With that my penitential journey had a ray of hope.”
That combines the first two entries into this blog 1400 days ago. Did I make it across the desert? No, I dont think so. I am not quite at the edge yet. Here I am begining that fast once again, with a smudge of ash once again,and reading about the temptation of Christ. Once again. Stones to bread, Alchemy. Have I fallen to that temptation? Probibly more than once. Its trying to make something what it isnt, a dilusion. In desert terms a mirage. Its something someone wants to see, even though it dosent exist. A false hope, and yes a sin.
Filled with the Holy Spirit, Jesus returned from the Jordan
and was led by the Spirit into the desert for forty days,
to be tempted by the devil.
He ate nothing during those days,
and when they were over he was hungry.
Power and glory, that might have been the mirage. It certainly was paraded before me. Thats the career. But there are others. Prestige. Its the sin cast by the salesman, the merchandiser. Its the whip that is used to move people, or the carat used to motivate them. It leaves one tired, and thirsty, and hungery. I leaves one draging towards the very same mirage that left them decrepit. Still chasing after that same glory. A sin.
The sin of temptation, the first left for last. Throw yourself down. Scream, lash out. Harm yourself. The donughts in the breakroom, the whiskey at the bar. The fast car. Stupid stuff, done because you can get away with it. The stupid stuff, you say a prayer before leaping; “Oh good God what am I doing?” Using the Lords name in vain, that’s what. The folly of youth and the arrogance of old age. Have I made it across that desert? Nope, not yet. But at least I am begining to recognising some of these temptations. I might not be as sucessful as the Lord, but where is the sin in that?
(Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and lets not forget pride.Its time to wander, I certainly wish I had a map, or better yet, someone to serve as a guide) I do confess.